廚房靈修學:與神同行的勞倫斯弟兄/廖炳堂

勞倫斯弟兄(Brother Lawrence, 1614-1691)在靈修歷史中很傳奇的人物,他甘於卑微,一生在修院當雜工的小弟兄(lay brother),連正式修士身份也沒有。他沒有學識,卻自創一種親近神的方式,在靈修歷史中影響深遠;他也刻意不留下任何著作,《與神同在》一書也只是別人搜集他的書信的結集和訪問他的記錄。和加爾文之進取和理智相比,勞倫斯弟兄所表現的是退隱和直覺式(intuitive)的靈命型態。[1]

勞倫斯弟兄原名尼古拉‧夏文(Nicholas Herman),出生於法國洛環(Lorraine),在很濃厚天主教氣氛中長大,從小家庭非常貧窮,並沒有受多少教育。1632年他當兵參與三十年宗教戰爭(Thirty Years’ War, 1618-1648),不幸在戰役中被擄,被控作間諜,險些被吊死,幸自辯得直獲釋。後在一場對抗瑞典的戰役中受重傷,從此有點瘸腿,走路一柺一柺,被逼退役,而戰爭中的殘酷場面使他立志奉獻給神。

退役後他因傷患只能做一長官的侍從,但他甚至連此工作也不能勝任,他描寫自己「是笨手笨腳,常打破東西」。[2] 在這段鬱悶的日子中,一次神藉著自然界向他說話:在深冬,他看見樹木乾禿無葉,但想到寒冬過後,萬象更新,樹木即長葉開花結果。勞倫斯便從中得蒙光照,領悟在自然界的生生不息背後有神的信實與大能,燃起他對神的敬愛。他表示此經歷在他靈魂深處一生也沒有泯滅。[3]

他當侍從的日子鬱鬱寡歡,愈感到俗世的生活不能滿足他,便決定奉獻作修士,他曾作短時期獨修,後羨慕巴黎迦密修會之團體生活,在1640年約廿六歲加入作小弟兄(lay brother),改名勞倫斯弟兄,兩年後正式發「終身願」。

進修院後,他被分派往廚房工作,他本性對油煙污穢氣味非常抗拒,但仍順服欣然接受,心想這是神的方法訓練他變得較靈巧,並想以此苦差作為個人罪惡的懺悔和補贖。但勞倫斯弟兄坦承在最初的十年(1640-1650)裏,面對廚房的骯髒、刻板、千篇一律的工作,十分痛苦,而且對自己的罪和軟弱充滿自責與內疚,時常覺得自己被神咒詛,已被拒救恩門外,十分恐懼和不安。[4] 在痛苦中,神使他突然醒悟「愛裡沒有懼怕」的真理,[5]他覺得自己雖然一無是處,沒有甚麼美德或才幹,但至少他還有一顆心,可以去愛神。他開始專注於神的同在,不間斷地和神交談,或是敬拜讚美、或是認罪求赦、或是交託祈求,總之無所不談;此外,他將手中所作的一切事情,不論大小,都看作為神而作的事奉,盡所能地去做好,就算最後他仍做得不好,對神的愛不夠多,但他一覺察便立即認罪,因他相信慈愛的神都會赦免[6] 和賜福,[7] 不再讓自己灰心喪志,甚至不再為自己得救與否掛慮,反倒專注此時此地以不住禱告和事奉來表達對神的愛。[8] 他這種新的人生態度和聚斂心神(recollection)的操練,不但使他克服了本性上對油煙氣味的抗拒,而且對日常工作有了新的體會,他說:「對我而言,做工作的時候和祈禱的時候沒有分別。雖然廚房裏很嘈吵,有時幾個人會同時有不同的要求,但是我擁抱著神同在極大的平安,就像我跪下領受聖餐一般」(C4)。[9] 他見證說從這天起,他便經歷屬天平安從內心湧流而出,數十年不變,直至離世。[10]

透過與神不住交談,他在他最不勝任的工作上開始對神有嶄新的經歷:一次他被派到布根地去買一批酒,他對這事非常不願意,原因是他沒有做買賣的頭腦,而且行動不便,連上下船都有很大困難,他向神求幫助並學習不為這事掛慮,結果事情順利辦妥。[11] 他分享到並不是從此事事順利成功,相反是他自己改變了對成敗得失的看法:如果按自己能力才智而言,事情辦得不好是可預期的,他只有向神認錯及求衪彌補缺失;若果事情可以順利完成,那就一定是出於神額外的恩典,他便向神充滿感激。[12]

經過了十四年的廚房工作,勞倫斯弟兄於1654年(年約四十歲)因痛風症而必須轉換工作,負責修理鞋履。他學習於滿足現狀,接受自己的限制,甘心平庸和只能為神做小事,[13] 他說:「我們不應厭煩於為愛神而做瑣碎事務,這位神關心的不是事情的大小,而是做的時候帶著的愛有多少」。[14] 他會為到可以為神去檢起地上的一根雜草而快樂,[15]「成聖不在於改變工作,而在於將平日慣於為自己做事的心態改變成為為神而做」。[16]

勞倫斯弟兄年事愈長健康愈差,他於1666年(年約五十二歲)的談話中便多番提及意識到不久有重大的病患痛楚臨到,但他表示不會憂慮,因為神必會給他力量去面對。[17]另一方面,既然他已盡力去愛神,他就毋須再掛慮自己前面所遭遇的一切事情,他相信慈愛的神會按衪的智慧安排一切,他所遭遇的不論禍福,經過神允准臨到他身上必然是對他有益的,有時神會借助困境磨練他對神的愛,他也深信受苦可以煉淨他的生命,[18] 從成聖的角度而言,神讓他參與了基督十架的苦難,他覺得自己可以與神同受苦難很感安慰和甘甜,他說:「如果我可以與神同受苦難,這苦難對我來說就是天堂,如果我享受世物卻沒有神『同在』,這享受對我來說就是地獄」。[19] 他見證說神同在所帶來喜樂甚至有時使他要費大氣力才在別人面前不失儀態,能超越肉身的痛楚。[20]

因此他自己以完全順服神主權之心面對病痛和死亡,[21] 也如此並勸勉信徒不論痛苦有多大多長,都不要祈求病痛消除,反倒要求神加添勇氣和力量面對,他相信如此順服便是愛神,這愛會使痛苦變得甘甜,而且會帶來喜樂和勇氣。[22]

有學者相信勞倫斯弟兄離世前病痛是很嚴重的(Delaney 1977, 18),但在他最後階段寫的書信卻一如既往充滿信心和屬天的平安。1690年他說「自己應該是不久人世了」,他見證自己在信心中所經歷到的神同在比親眼見神還更確切,[23] 這同在使痛苦變得甘甜和舒暢,他為此深深稱頌神。[24] 臨離世前三個星期他說:「我已多次瀕臨死亡邊緣,但我卻從神得到前所未有的滿足,因此我並不祈求離開痛苦,而是求力量以勇氣、謙卑和愛去面對受苦,啊!與神一同受苦實在很甘甜啊!」[25] 在他最後一封書信中他相信自己會在幾天之內離世見主面了,他寫道:「神最知道我們真正的需要,衪所作一切都是為著我們的好處。如果我們知道他是多麼的愛我們,我們就應該預備好從他手中毫無分別地(with indifference)接受或苦或甜的遭遇……除非我們失去這亮光,否則就算最痛苦的苦難,也不至於不可忍受。當我們知道這苦難是經愛我們的神的手所臨到的,當我們知道是愛我們的天父使我們降卑和受苦,我們的苦難就會失去它的苦味,甚至變成安慰之事……我想靠著衪的憐憫恩惠在數天之內我會見衪的面了」。[26] 在1691年2月12日他終於平安逝世,去世時極其平靜,毫無痛苦,好像睡著一般。[27]

在勞倫斯弟兄的靈程中有幾點值得留意:

  • 勞倫斯弟兄靈性一大轉機和缺乏得救把握有關,和加爾文相似,透過神無條件保守、「愛裡沒有懼怕」的真理、和專一愛神的操練,他突破了靈命的困局,他透過自己愛神的意向(intentionality)確定神對自己的保守。
  • 他的自我形象問題(能力和罪疚)透過神對他、他對神的愛得以消解,從而接受自己的限制。他的靈修幫助了他甘心為神做小事,卻沒有爭取為神做大事的向度。
  • 從有限的文字記載和他的自述看來,他的突破是很戲劇性的,而且看來是從此便穩行在高處,[28] 有明顯的完全主義(perfectionism)傾向,好像從此不再有疑惑、憂慮、掙扎。[29] 他覺得自己已找到屬靈的秘訣,不覺得自己在靈程上需要別人的指導,[30] 他覺得自己所到達的屬靈境界對初學者而言是很困難的,[31] 他甚至期望神會給他苦難去使他更堅強。[32] 此外他曾教導信徒要完全信靠神的醫治,不要再尋求人的醫治。[33]
  • 不過值得留意有幾點:第一、他強調神必聽禱告,但並非事事順利,要留意《與神同在》一書在表達上傾向簡化的處理;[34] 第二、他並非不感到病痛之苦,不過他強調有一屬天的喜樂幫助他勝過肉身之苦;[35] 第三、他的隱修院生活場景相對簡單,所需要作的倫理抉擇也不會太複雜,故對只要持守自己愛神的動機,便可相信自己已完全行在神旨意中,明顯他是純以主觀動機之角度來理解神的旨意;[36] 他的靈修進路沒有受少位置給知識,反而帶有反智和神秘知識的成分。[37] 第四、他將所有過去、將來的困擾掛慮都消解在此時此地(here-and-now)的愛神意向的把持和神同在的滿足中。
  • 作為靈修功夫而言,勞倫斯弟兄可說是「無方法」的方法:凝聚心思、專注神的同在、不住與衪交談和為愛衪而工作。[38] 他對處理分心有很精闢的教導,[39] 他的禱告方式基本上是一種主動的默觀,[40] 他也提及有難以自持的喜樂。[41] 不過他也提醒禱告之正確動機應為信靠和愛神,不應以追求特殊屬靈經歷為目的。[42]

 

註釋:

[1] 以下生平資料主要是從(Brother Lawrence, 2001)一書整理及引述出來,另有參考王偉成。「認識勞倫斯弟兄:廚房聖徒」。豐收神學院院訊 (2002年3月) 及Deb Platt n.d., The Practice of the Presence of God, Thematic Rearrangement, http://www.digiserve.com/mystic/Christian/resources/Lawrence/Lawrence.html, 2003/6/10. 以下引述The Practice of the Presence of God一書時C代表Conversation部分, L代表Letter部分。

[2] “That he had been footman to M. Fieubert, the treasurer, and that he was a great awkward fellow who broke everything.”(C1).

[3] “That in the winter, seeing a tree stripped of its leaves, and considering that within a little time, the leaves would be renewed, and after that the flowers and fruit appear, he received a high view of the Providence and Power of GOD, which has never since been effaced from his soul.”(C1).

[4] “Such was my beginning; and yet I must tell you, that for the first ten years I suffered much: the apprehension that I was not devoted to GOD, as I wished to be, my past sins always present to my mind, and the great unmerited favours which GOD did me, were the matter and source of my sufferings. During this time I fell often, and rose again presently. It seemed to me that the creatures, reason, and GOD Himself were against me . . . and that there was no salvation for me”; “That he [brother Lawrence] had been long troubled in mind from a certain belief that he should be damned; that all the men in the world could not have persuaded him to the contrary . . .”(L2).

[5] “ . . . but that he had thus reasoned with himself about it: I did not engage in a religious life but for the love of GOD, and I have endeavoured to act only for Him; whatever becomes of me, whether I be lost or saved, I will always continue to act purely for the love of GOD.”

[6] “That all possible kinds of mortification, if they were void of the love of GOD, could not efface a single sin.  That we ought, without anxiety, to expect the pardon of our sins from the Blood of JESUS CHRIST, only endeavouring to love Him with all our hearts. That GOD seemed to have granted the greatest favours to the greatest sinners, as more signal monuments of His mercy”; “Ever since that time I have walked before God simply, in faith with humility and with love; and I apply myself diligently to do nothing and think nothing which may displease Him. I hope that when I have done what I can, He will do with me what He pleases”(L2); “Faith gives me as strong a conviction as sense can do, that He never forsakes us, till we have first forsaken Him.”

[7] “I consider myself as the most wretched of men, full of sores and corruption, and who has committed all sorts of crimes against his King; touched with a sensible regret I confess to Him all my wickedness, I ask His forgiveness, I abandon myself in His hands, that He may do what He pleases with me. This King, full of mercy and goodness, very far from chastising me, embraces me with love, makes me eat at His table, serves me with His own hands, gives me the key of His treasures . . . ”

[8] “That he was very sensible of his faults, but not discouraged by them; that he confessed them to GOD, and did not plead against Him to excuse them. When he had so done, he peaceably resumed his usual practice of love and adoration.”

[9] "The time of business," said he, "does not with me differ from the time of prayer; and in the noise and clutter of my kitchen, while several persons are at the same time calling for different things, I possess GOD in as great tranquillity as if I were upon my knees at the Blessed Sacrament." (C4); “That with him the set times of prayer were not different from other times: that he retired to pray, according to the directions of his Superior, but that he did not want such retirement, nor ask for it, because his greatest business did not divert him from GOD” (C2); “That he was more united to GOD in his outward employments, than when he left them for devotion in retirement.”(C3).

[10] “When I thought of nothing but to end my days in these troubles (which did not at all diminish the trust I had in God, and which served only to increase my faith), I found myself changed all at once; and my soul, which till that time was in trouble, felt a profound inward peace as if she were in her center and place of rest.”(L2).

[11] “He said he had been lately sent into Burgundy to buy the provision of wine for the community. This was a very unwelcome task for him because he had no turn for business and because he was lame and could not go about the boat but by rolling himself over the casks. Yet he gave himself no uneasiness about it, nor about the purchase of the wine. He said to God, it was His business he was about, and that he afterwards found it very well performed. He mentioned that it had turned out the same way the year before when he was sent to Auvergne.” (C4) http://www.practicegodspresence.com/brotherlawrence/practice_presence_god.html, 2003/6/10.

[12] “That he had no scruples; for, said he, when I fail in my duty, I readily acknowledge it, saying, I am used to do so: I shall never do otherwise, if I am left to myself. If I fail not, then I give GOD thanks, acknowledging that it comes from Him”(C2); “That when he had failed in his duty, he only confessed his fault, saying to GOD, I shall never do otherwise, if You leave me to myself; "tis You must hinder my falling, and mend what is amiss. That after this, he gave himself no further uneasiness about it.” (C2).

[13] “That he was very well pleased with the post he was now in; but that he was as ready to quit that as the former, since he was always pleasing himself in every condition, by doing little things for the love of GOD.”(C2).

[14] “That we ought not to be weary of doing little things for the love of GOD, who regards not the greatness of the work, but the love with which it is performed.” (C4).

[15] “That he had always been governed by love, without selfish views; and that having resolved to make the love of GOD the end of all his actions, he had found reasons to be well satisfied with his method. That he was pleased when he could take up a straw from the ground for the love of GOD, seeking Him only, and nothing else, not even His gifts.”(C2).

[16] “That our sanctification did not depend upon changing our works, but in doing that for GOD's sake, which we commonly do for our own.”(C4).

[17] “That he expected after the pleasant days GOD had given him, he should have his turn of pain and suffering; but that he was not uneasy about it, knowing very well, that as he could do nothing of himself, GOD would not fail to give him the strength to bear them”; “That he expected hereafter some great pain of body or mind . . . but that the goodness of GOD assured him He would not forsake him utterly, and that He would give him strength to bear whatever evil He permitted to happen to him”(C3).

[18] “I told you, in my last, that He [God] sometimes permits bodily diseases to cure the distempers of the soul” (L13); “That when we enter upon the spiritual we should consider, and examine to the bottom, what we are. And then we should find ourselves worthy of all contempt, and such as do not deserve the name of Christians, subject to all kinds of misery, and numberless accidents, which trouble us, and cause perpetual vicissitudes in our health, in our humours, in our internal and external dispositions: in fine, persons whom GOD would humble by many pains and labours, as well within as without. After this, we should not wonder that troubles, temptations, oppositions and contradictions, happen to us from men. We ought, on the contrary, to submit ourselves to them, and bear them as long as GOD pleases, as things highly advantageous to us.”(C4).

[19] Be satisfied with the condition in which God places you . . . . Pains and suffering would be a paradise to me, while I should suffer with my God; and the greatest pleasure would be hell to me, if I could relish them without Him; all my consolation would be to suffer something for His sake. (L11, my italics)

[20] “GOD has many ways of drawing us to Himself. He sometimes hides Himself from us: but faith alone, which will not fail us in time of need, ought to be our support, and the foundation of our confidence, which must be all in GOD.  I know not how GOD will dispose of me: I am always happy: all the world suffer; and I, who deserve the severest discipline, feel joys so continual, and so great, that I can scarce contain them” (L12); “When outward business diverted him a little from the thought of GOD, a fresh remembrance coming from GOD invested his soul, and so inflamed and transported him that it was difficult for him to contain himself.” (C3)

[21] “GOD knoweth best what is needful for us, and all that He does is for our good. If we knew how much He loves us, we should be always ready to receive equally and with indifference from His hand the sweet and the bitter; all would please that came from Him. The sorest afflictions never appear intolerable, but when we see them in the wrong light. When we see them in the hand of GOD, who dispenses them: when we know that it is our loving FATHER, who abases and distresses us: our sufferings will lose their bitterness, and become even matter of consolation. . . . and if our love of GOD were great we should love Him equally in pains and pleasures.”(L15).

[22] “Have courage then: make a virtue of necessity: ask of GOD, not deliverance from your pains, but strength to bear resolutely, for the love of Him, all that He should please, and as long as He shall please. . . Such prayers, indeed, are a little hard to nature, but most acceptable to GOD, and sweet to those that love Him. Love sweetens pains; and when one loves GOD, one suffers for His sake with joy and courage.” (L13)

[23]I must, in a little time, go to GOD. What comforts me in this life is, that I now see Him by faith; and I see Him in such a manner as might make me say sometimes, I believe no more, but I see. I feel what faith teaches us, and, in that assurance and that practice of faith, I will live and die with Him.” (L11, italics mine).

[24] “Have courage. We have but little time to live; you are near sixty-four, and I am almost eighty. Let us live and die with God: sufferings will be sweet and pleasant to us while we are with Him: and the greatest pleasures will be, without Him, a cruel punishment to us. May He be blessed for all. Amen.” (L7).

[25] “I have been often near expiring, though I was never so much satisfied as then. Accordingly I did not pray for any relief, but I prayed for strength to suffer with courage, humility, and love. Ah, how sweet is it to suffer with GOD!” (L14)

[26] “GOD knoweth best what is needful for us, and all that He does is for our good. If we knew how much He loves us, we should be always ready to receive equally and from His hand the sweet and the bitter; all would please that came from Him. The sorest afflictions never appear intolerable, but when we see them in the wrong light. When we see them in the hand of GOD, who dispenses them: when we know that it is our loving FATHER, who abases and distresses us: our sufferings will lose their bitterness, and become even matter of consolation . . . . I hope from His mercy the favor to see Him within a few days.” (L15).

[27] 俞成華n.d., 30, 引自http://truth-seeker.virtualave.net/big5/spirit.htm, 2003/6/10.

[28] "Thus," said he, "by rising after my falls, and by frequently renewed acts of faith and love, I am come to a state, wherein it would be as difficult for me not to think of GOD, as it was at first to accustom myself to it"(C4, italics mine); “That in order to form a habit of conversing with GOD continually, and referring all we do to Him; we must at first apply to Him with some diligence: but that after a little care we should find His love inwardly excite us to it without any difficulty”(C2, italics mine); “He is now so accustomed to that Divine presence, that he receives from it continual succours upon all occasions. For about thirty years, his soul has been filled with joys so continual, and sometimes so great, that he is forced to use means to moderate them, and to hinder their appearing outwardly”(L4, italics mine).

[29] “What comforts me in this life is, that I now see Him by faith; and I see Him in such a manner as might make me say sometimes, I believe no more, but I see. I feel what faith teaches us, and, in that assurance and that practice of faith, I will live and die with Him” (L11); “GOD has many ways of drawing us to Himself. He sometimes hides Himself from us: but faith alone, which will not fail us in time of need, ought to be our support, and the foundation of our confidence, which must be all in GOD.  I know not how GOD will dispose of me: I am always happy: all the world suffer; and I, who deserve the severest discipline, feel joys so continual, and so great, that I can scarce contain them” (L12); “he answers with exact fidelity to these inward drawings, either by an elevation of his heart towards GOD, or by a meek and fond regard to Him, or by such words as love forms upon these occasions; as for instance, My GOD, here I am all devoted to Thee: LORD, make me according to Thy heart. And then it seems to him (as in effect he feels it) that this GOD of love, satisfied with such few words, reposes again, and rests in the depth and centre of his soul. The experience of these things gives him such an assurance that GOD is always in the depth or bottom of his soul, and renders him incapable of doubting it, upon any account whatever” (L4, italics mine).

[30] “That in his trouble of mind, he had consulted nobody, but knowing only by the light of faith that GOD was present, he contented himself with directing all his actions to Him, i.e., doing them with a desire to please Him, let what would come of it”(C2); “That as he knew his obligation to love GOD in all things, and as he endeavoured so to do, he had no need of a director to advise him, but that he needed much a confessor to absolve him. That he was very sensible of his faults, but not discouraged by them; that he confessed them to GOD, and did not plead against Him to excuse them. When he had so done, he peaceably resumed his usual practice of love and adoration.”(C2).

[31] “I know that to arrive at this state [suffering will be full of sweetness], the beginning is very difficult; for we must act purely in faith.”(L13).

[32] “That his prayer was nothing else but a sense of the presence of GOD, his soul being at that time insensible to everything but Divine love: and that when the appointed times of prayer were past, he found no difference, because he still continued with GOD, praising and blessing Him with all his might, so that he passed his life in continual joy; yet hoped that GOD would give him somewhat to suffer, when he should grow stronger.”(C4, italics mine).

[33] “As your case is, "tis my opinion that you should leave off human remedies, and resign yourself entirely to the providence of GOD; perhaps He stays only for that resignation and a perfect trust in Him to cure you. Since notwithstanding all your cares, physic has hitherto proved unsuccessful, and your malady still increases, it will not be tempting GOD to abandon yourself in His hands, and expect all from Him.”(L13).

[34]例如:“That when he had failed in his duty, he only confessed his fault, saying to GOD, I shall never do otherwise, if You leave me to myself.” (C2, italics mine) 但他也同時說:“That we ought to act with GOD in the greatest simplicity, speaking to Him frankly and plainly, and imploring His assistance in our affairs, just as they happen. That GOD never failed to grant it, as he had often experienced.” (C2, italics mine) 留意後世一些抄本有將他偶像化傾向(版本批判問題: 比對Delaney 1977 [image edition], 38-39, 40, [42-43], 46, 47, 89和 Epworth 之版本)。

[35] “I have been often near expiring, though I was never so much satisfied as then. Accordingly I did not pray for any relief, but I prayed for strength to suffer with courage, humility, and love. Ah, how sweet is it to suffer with GOD! however great the sufferings may be, receive them with love.(L14, italics mine); “That we ought to give ourselves up to GOD, with regard both to things temporal and spiritual, and seek our satisfaction only in the fulfilling His will, whether He lead us by suffering or by consolation, for all would be equal to a soul truly resigned. That there needed fidelity in those drynesses, or insensibilities and irksomenesses in prayer, by which GOD tries our love to Him” (C1, my italics)

[36] “Ever since that time I walk before GOD simply, in faith, with humility and with love; and I apply myself diligently to do nothing and think nothing which may displease Him. I hope that when I have done what I can, He will do with me what He pleases.  As for what passes in me at present, I cannot express it. I have no pain or difficulty about my state, because I have no will but that of GOD, which I endeavour to accomplish in all things” (L2); “That he had so often experienced the ready succours of Divine Grace upon all occasions, that from the same experience, when he had business to do, he did not think of it beforehand; but when it was time to do it, he found in GOD, as in a clear mirror, all that was fit for him to do. That of late he had acted thus, without anticipating care; but before the experience above mentioned, he had used it in his affairs.”(C3, my italics).

[37] “That we ought to make a great difference between the acts of the understanding and those of the will; that the first were comparatively of little value, and the others all”(C2);“Having found in many books different methods of going to GOD, and divers practices of the spiritual life, I thought this would serve rather to puzzle me, than facilitate what I sought after, which was nothing but how to become wholly GOD's”(L1);“That he had so often experienced the ready succours of Divine Grace upon all occasions, that from the same experience, when he had business to do, he did not think of it beforehand; but when it was time to do it, he found in GOD, as in a clear mirror, all that was fit for him to do. That of late he had acted thus, without anticipating care; but before the experience above mentioned, he had used it in his affairs”(C3).

[38] “That we should establish ourselves in a sense of GOD's Presence, by continually conversing with Him. That it was a shameful thing to quit His conversation, to think of trifles and fooleries”(C1); “That all bodily mortifications and other exercises are useless, but as they serve to arrive at the union with GOD by love; that he had well considered this, and found it the shortest way to go straight to Him by a continual exercise of love, and doing all things for His sake.” (C2); “He told me, that all consists in one hearty renunciation of everything which we are sensible does not lead to GOD; that we might accustom ourselves to a continual conversation with Him, with freedom and in simplicity. That we need only to recognize GOD intimately present with us, to address ourselves to Him every moment, that we may beg His assistance for knowing His will in things doubtful, and for rightly performing those which we plainly see He requires of us, offering them to Him before we do them, and giving Him thanks when we have done.  That in this conversation with GOD, we are also employed in praising, adoring, and loving him incessantly, for His infinite goodness and perfection” (C4); “so after having given myself wholly to GOD, to make all the satisfaction I could for my sins, I renounced, for the love of Him, everything that was not He; and I began to live as if there was none but He and I in the world. Sometimes I considered myself before Him as a poor criminal at the feet of his judge; at other times I beheld Him in my heart as my FATHER, as my GOD: I worshipped Him the oftenest that I could, keeping my mind in His holy Presence, and recalling it as often as I found it wandered from Him. I found no small pain in this exercise, and yet I continued it, notwithstanding all the difficulties that occurred, without troubling or disquieting myself when my mind had wandered involuntarily. I made this my business, as much all the day long as at the appointed times of prayer; for at all times, every hour, every minute, even in the height of my business, I drove away from my mind everything that was capable of interrupting my thought of GOD”(L1); “But when we are faithful to keep ourselves in His holy Presence, and set Him always before us, this not only hinders our offending Him, and doing anything that may displease Him, at least wilfully, but it also begets in us a holy freedom, and if I may so speak, a familiarity with GOD, wherewith we ask, and that successfully, the graces we stand in need of.”(L1).

[39] “That useless thoughts spoil all: that the mischief began there; but that we ought to reject them, as soon as we perceived their impertinence to the matter in hand, or our salvation; and return to our communion with GOD”(C2); “When the mind, for want of being sufficiently reduced by recollection, at our first engaging in devotion, has contracted certain bad habits of wandering and dissipation, they are difficult to overcome, and commonly draw us, even against our wills, to the things of the earth. I believe one remedy for this is, to confess our faults, and to humble ourselves before GOD. I do not advise you to use multiplicity of words in prayer; many words and long discourses being often the occasions of wandering: hold yourself in prayer before GOD, like a dumb or paralytic beggar at a rich man's gate: let it be your business to keep your mind in the presence of the LORD. If it sometimes wander, and withdraw itself from Him, do not much disquiet yourself for that; trouble and disquiet serve rather to distract the mind, than to re-collect it; the will must bring it back in tranquillity; if you persevere in this manner, GOD will have pity on you” (L8); “That we should not wonder if, in the beginning, we often failed in our endeavours, but that at last we should gain a habit, which will naturally produce its acts in us, without our care, and to our exceeding great delight.”(C4).

[40] “My most usual method is this simple attention, and such a general passionate regard to GOD; to whom I find myself often attached with greater sweetness and delight than that of an infant at the mother's breast: so that if I dare use the expression, I should choose to call this state the bosom of GOD, for the inexpressible sweetness which I taste and experience there”(L2); “This exercise does not much fatigue the body: it is, however, proper to deprive it sometimes, nay often, of many little pleasures which are innocent and lawful: for GOD will not permit that a soul which desires to be devoted entirely to Him should take other pleasures than with Him; that is more than reasonable”(L6);“But we may continue with Him our commerce of love, persevering in His holy presence: one while by an act of praise, of adoration, or of desire; one while by an act of resignation, or thanksgiving; and in all the manner which our spirit can invent” (L6);“He requires no great matters of us; a little remembrance of Him from time to time, a little adoration: sometimes to pray for His grace, sometimes to offer Him your sufferings, and sometimes to return Him thanks for the favours He has given you, and still gives you, in the midst of your troubles, and to console yourself with Him the oftenest you can. Lift up your heart to Him, sometimes even at your meals, and when you are in company: the least little remembrance will always be acceptable to Him”(L7); “Use yourself then by degrees thus to worship Him, to beg His grace, to offer Him your heart from time to time, in the midst of your business, even every moment if you can. Do not always scrupulously confine yourself to certain rules, or particular forms of devotion; but act with a general confidence in GOD, with love and humility”(L7).

[41] “I have quitted all forms of devotion and set prayers but those to which my state obliges me. And I make it my business only to persevere in His holy presence, wherein I keep myself by a simple attention, and a general fond regard to GOD, which I may call an actual presence of GOD; or, to speak better, an habitual, silent, and secret conversation of the soul with GOD, which often causes in me joys and raptures inwardly, and sometimes also outwardly, so great that I am forced to use means to moderate them, and prevent their appearance to others”(L2);“He is now so accustomed to that Divine presence, that he receives from it continual succours upon all occasions. For about thirty years, his soul has been filled with joys so continual, and sometimes so great, that he is forced to use means to moderate them, and to hinder their appearing outwardly”(L4).

[42] “There is not in the world a kind of life more sweet and delightful, than that of a continual conversation with GOD: those only can comprehend it who practise and experience it; yet I do not advise you to do it from that motive; it is not pleasure which we ought to seek in this exercise; but let us do it from a principle of love, and because GOD would have us.”(L5); “Let us not amuse ourselves to seek or to love GOD for any sensible favours (how elevated soever) which He has or may do us. Such favours, though never so great, cannot bring us so near to GOD as faith does in one simple act. Let us seek Him often by faith: He is within us; seek Him not elsewhere.”(L15).

原載於建道神學院【靈命塑造通訊】第三期(2012年6月):頁3-4。第四期(2012年7月):頁3-4。此網站版本經作者修訂。

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作者簡介

廖炳堂

副院長(學術)